Chapter 99
One week later:
After putting Michael down for a nap, Carly descends the staircase of the cottage to pick up the toys, books, and stuffed animals scattered throughout the living room. It's the first time all day she's had a moment to herself, and that's more than plenty. The less time she has to think, the better off she is.
Strictly speaking, Carly supposes, the aftermath of Helena's death had gone very well. They'd retired to Wyndemere, informed Nikolas and Emily of what happened and synchronized their stories. Then Carly had taken Stefan upstairs, who was almost white with exhaustion and pain. No sooner had she helped him out his suit coat than he'd fallen asleep. She'd spent a blissful night curled next to him, and awoke happier than she'd been in weeks. Everything seemed perfect.
But much too quickly real life invaded. Mrs Lansbury came knocking, Mac Scorpio was on their doorstep. He'd come to 'inform' them of Helena's death and question them. They told their stories down to the letter.
Mac went away to interview Luke, Sonny Corinthos, and eventually Andreas. All without success. Luke's plan worked perfectly. The night of Helena's death, Bobbie took the clothes Carly changed out of and burned them in the incinerator along with both guns. Luke and Roy provided Andreas with an alibi by taking him to the club and making it appear they'd been drinking buddies all night.
Helena's murder would go unsolved, which was just fine with Carly.
After Mac's interrogation, Carly accompanied Stefan to the hospital to be checked out. That's when things went south. When Stefan insisted she go be with Michael, her heart dropped into her feet. It felt like it was happening all over again. She took it as a sign that he didn't want her near him.
Pretending nothing changed, they parted with a plan to talk later in the day after his visit to the hospital. She picked up Michael from Jason and headed for the cottage. The more she thought, the more she doubted. By the time she got home, she'd gone over every word he spoke to her the night of the attack, trying to wring proof that he wanted to be with her. She wanted to find just one sentence where he told her he missed her or wanted to be with her. But she hadn't found any beyond wanting her for sex. Which meant nothing since lust had always been part of their equation, even when they were apart.
By the afternoon she was sick to her stomach and afraid to answer the phone. What would she do when he called her? What if Stefan was just being grateful and didn't want to hurt her feelings?
At that horrible thought, she called her mother and begged her to come over. Bobbie obliged with remarkable speed. It was unnerving how much she was coming to count on her mother.
So when Stefan called that evening, Carly pleaded Bobbie to answer and put Stefan off with the explanation that Carly was exhausted and would talk to him tomorrow. Bobbie frowned but complied. Stefan hadn't pushed and Carly took that as confirmation of her suspicions.
And each day it was the same. She avoided the phone, having Leticia answer when she could, and brushing Stefan off when she couldn't. Always her fear of his rejection outweighed her desire to see or talk to him. By the fifth day, he didn't call. And that night, Carly cried herself to sleep, convinced it was over.
The next morning she dragged herself through the motions of taking care of Michael, numb through and through. Then, that evening, after Michael went to bed, she went into a wild cleaning frenzy which ended in her reorganizing all the closets, starting with the downstairs. The energy was exhilarating, she felt strong, capable, and most of all in control. But at two in the morning, in her bedroom closet, she was bested by a dress. Not just any dress, but the black silk dress she wore the night Stefan gave her the earrings, the last night she felt secure as his lover.
The last night she felt truly happy and loved.
Choking on a sob, she'd fallen to the floor on her knees, unprepared for the searing pain. Not even his brutal break up with her could compare. This was torture. Gathering the last of her strength, she'd slammed her closet shut and retreated to her bed, burying herself in the covers. After what seemed like an eternity, she'd fallen into a restless asleep.
The phone rings, breaking Carly from her morose thoughts. She stops straightening the coffee table to wait for the machine to pick up. When she hears her mother's voice leaving a message, Carly picks up the receiver. "Mama?"
"Hi, Honey. I just wanted to check on you."
"I'm fine," Carly answers, not at all convincingly. "Michael just went down for a nap."
"Carly," Bobbie says in a soft warning tone. "You haven't talked to him, have you?"
"No, I haven't. And I can't see that I will. He's stopped calling. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?"
"You haven't given him a chance to talk to you! You keep hanging up on him."
"Why do you care?" Carly retorts bitterly picking up a toy truck and tossing it into the toy basket. "You should be glad."
"When you're so miserable?" Bobbie argues. "Honey, you need to go to him, talk it out with him. He cares a lot for you."
"And how would you know that? Didn't you tell me this would happen?"
"No, I didn't, actually." Bobbie pauses. Her decision made, she says. "I think you need to know something about Stefan."
"What? That Stefan isn't ever going to love me?" Tears fill Carly's eyes at the thought. "I know that. It took a while, but I got that one loud and clear."
"No, damn it! You can be so dense sometimes." Bobbie sighs in frustration, hating the despair she hears from Carly. She's held onto this nugget long enough, Carly needs to know. "Do you remember the day I showed up at your house, the day you got the court papers from Evans?"
"I'll never forget it." Carly tosses another toy into the basket. "What about it? Did Stefan have something to do with it?"
"Not the way you're probably thinking. I didn't hear about Evans' petition from a colleague. I found out about it from Stefan."
Suddenly wobbly, Carly collapses onto the couch. "He knew?"
"Yes, he knew and he wanted me to know. He picked a fight with me, just so he could tell me about it. Do you want to know why?"
"To rub your nose in it?"
"NO! Because he wanted me to be prepared so I could help you. He also called Margo's law office and he sent me clues in an anonymous email to help your case. He helped Luke find proof that the judge had been bought by Evans. He wanted to help you, Carly."
A little bit of hope flutters in Carly's chest. Maybe, just maybe, Stefan cared a little. "He did all that?"
"Don't you see? He cares about you!"
"It doesn't prove anything," Carly mutters the hope dying a quick death as she remembers his cruelty after her day in court. I never asked for your love.... It is not my fault you were a fool. I never misled you. It amused me to indulge your son.... why are you tormenting yourself like this? Have you no pride? "Maybe he felt guilty because his mother was in on it or he didn't want me to lose Michael. Even if he does care what happens to me, it doesn't mean he wants to be with me."
"Why are you refusing to see this?" Bobbie asks, flabbergasted by Carly's stubbornness. "Why aren't you at least fighting for the chance to be with him? Do you want to lose him?"
"I never had him to begin with! I can't do it, Mama. I can't bear it if he rejects me again." Carly's voice breaks. "Because this time, he'll be gentle and kind about it. I just can't stand his pity on top of everything else, okay? It's better if I just don't see him at all."
"What happened to my daughter, the one who fights tooth and nail for everything she wants? You never let anything go without a fight!" Bobbie exclaims. "Damn it, I have half a mind to go over to Wyndemere myself and knock some sense into him."
"Don't you DARE!" Carly 's shaking voice is much more terrifying than if she yelled. "It's not his fault that I still love him even if he doesn't love me. I'm the pathetic one."
"Sweetheart," Bobbie implores, her own eyes filling with tears. "You are not pathetic. You are a strong, generous, smart woman with a huge heart and so much love to give. If he's stupid enough not to recognize it and hold onto it for all it's worth, then he doesn't deserve you. You are better than this."
Outside the cottage, Stefan pulls up in his BMW and cuts the engine. It was time, he tells himself grimly, straightening the collar of his immaculate french blue shirt.
The week had been hellish, frankly. Nothing had gone as he thought it would after the night he brought Carly home to Wyndemere. She'd been so warm and loving, he believed the worst was over. At Helena's death, the last and largest of his demons was slain. Her safety was assured and their estrangement could end permanently. He was convinced that nothing stood in the way their reunion.
What a fool he was.
He'd forgotten the cardinal rule of his life: Stefan Cassadine was not allowed to be happy. He should have this marked on his gravestone. If it wasn't Helena destroying his life, then it was him. And so far this week he'd done an admirable job. But then he never did anything part way.
His most effective strategy of self-sabotage was denial. The inner turmoil began the next morning, shortly after they'd awoken. It had been a gift to wake up next to her again. He wanted to kiss Caroline until they were both fully awake and wanting more. When he'd moved to turn to kiss her, the pain practically knocked him flat on his back again. He'd covered, but the damage to his peace of mind was done. It came back to him again, the terror he felt at learning that Caroline had slipped her guards to confront someone as deadly as his mother, and how little control he had over her.
The flash of fear only lasted for a moment, but the effects lingered. When Caroline had started to pull away shortly after rising, he ignored the signs. At the hospital, he let her cool kiss and perfunctory hug pass without question, which under normal circumstances he would have confronted immediately. One of the things he appreciated about Caroline was how easy she was to read. Everything she felt and thought passed across her face.
Later, after his check-up at the hospital, he returned home. At the thought of calling her, the churning in his stomach returned. He delayed calling her until evening, which in retrospect was unheard of. But with his denial firmly entrenched, he ignored it as well.
He was surprised when Barbara answered the phone at the cottage. She was adamant, Carly was exhausted and sleeping and couldn't be waked. Without pressing the matter further, he hung up. He rationalized his decision not to go to the cottage and sort out what was wrong. She needed to rest, he wasn't strong enough, and he wanted to be completely healthy when he saw her next. A part of him was alarmed at Caroline's withdrawal and afraid of what it might mean. But in a deep dark place within himself, he felt relief. Still exhausted and weak, he didn't examine it closer.
The succeeding days followed the same pattern. Caroline wouldn't speak to him. She had Leticia take her calls, and when he had the misfortune of actually getting Caroline on the phone, she hung up on him before he could get two words in. It didn't matter what tone he used, she wasn't listening. The first time she hung up on him he was so shocked he just stood there staring at the receiver. The second time he vented his frustration by throwing the phone at the wall. With each call, he felt her withdraw further. And paradoxically, his desire to have her near increased. He obsessed on why Caroline didn't want to speak to him or have anything to do with him. He spent hours pacing the floor of the conservatory trying to figure it out.
Why had she run from him? As his panic at losing her increased, he spun elaborate reasons for her abandonment of him. What his mind kept returning to was Caroline's final confrontation with Helena.
The night Helena tried to kill him, Caroline had been so loving and receptive. She told him more than once that she loved him. Even more astounding was how fiercely protective she'd been of him. He'd never been with a woman who concerned herself with his welfare to such an extreme. To put herself in danger for him? To kill to protect him? It was incomprehensible. He didn't know how to make sense of it.
Then a horrifying thought struck him. What if Helena poisoned Carly against him? What tale did Helena tell Carly to have her turn away from him? Countless hours he spent guessing what family horror Helena shared and what character flaws of his had been brought to light. If Caroline knew how damaged he was, it would explain why she ran away from him. Any woman in her right mind would run screaming if she knew the truth about the darkness and violence in him.
The familiar, almost comforting cloak of misery dropped over him. He prowled Wyndemere, finding only meager relief in meditation and business pursuits. More than once his grim mood intimidated Nikolas' fiancé into silence. When Nikolas tried to ask about Caroline, Stefan had been terse to the point of rude. True to form, Nikolas hadn't backed off. He supposed he had Nikolas's persistence to than for his visit Caroline today.
Flashback
Nikolas stood in the doorway of Stefan's study, watching his father brood over an annual report. He'd held his peace for the last few days in hopes that Stefan come to his senses. Meanwhile everyone around him was miserable. The servants were darting out of his father's way. Emily was avoiding Wyndemere. This had gone on long enough. "Why haven't you gone to see Carly?"
Scowling, Stefan gave up the pretense of reading the report and tossed it onto his desk before rising. "Need I remind you that my relationship with Caroline is not up for discussion?"
Nikolas took a few steps into the room. "I'd respect your wishes if I thought you actually had a relationship to keep private. But you haven't spoken to her since the morning she left Wyndemere, have you?"
"You have no idea what you are talking about," Stefan dismisses as he pours himself a glass of water from the drink cart.
"Oh I believe I do," Nikolas retorted, using a tone reserved for a petulant child. "If you and Carly were actually speaking you wouldn't be sulking around Wyndemere acting like the world had come to an end."
Stefan glowered at his son. "I'm warning you, Nikolas... "
"NO," Nikolas challenged. "I'm warning YOU. I didn't hold Carly together at the hospital the night you were stabbed just so you would squander your chance to be with her. Why are you waiting for her to come to you? She saved your life! Do I have to spell out just how scared she was for you that night?"
"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!---" Stefan bellowed, slamming his glass down on the cart and sloshing the contents. Vibrating with a week's worth of pent up frustration, he turns his back to try to pull himself together.
"If I don't have the right, then who does?" Nikolas yells back. "I know she still loves you, though you've certainly done nothing to deserve her loyalty." He crossed the distance between them and took his father's arm roughly, forcing Stefan to look at him. "I stood by and watched you cut Carly out of your life like she was nothing, even though it almost destroyed you to do it. And I watched her flounder and lean on her friends and family. Do you think Jason is going to wait while you make up your mind if you want her or not? I bet he's already told her he loves her. Maybe he's with her right now."
A direct hit. Enraged, Stefan violently wrenched his arm from his son's grasp. Rigid and his hands clenched tightly at his side to keep him from laying hands on Nikolas, his voice comes out a low and threatening hiss. "Leave me! NOW."
Nikolas flinched and stepped back at the barely controlled savagery in Stefan's blazing eyes. He'd gone too far. "I'll leave. But you are a fool if you don't go after her, Father. And I never thought you a fool before."
So, Nikolas's goading pushed him into action. Stefan was finally ready to face Caroline as he no longer has the excuse of his injuries to delay the coming confrontation. The knife wounds are well on their way to being mended. Activities in the normal range of motion rarely pull on the stitches. A week after his injuries, he feels fit.
Just as Stefan is about to open his car door, he catches the sight of Jason Morgan's limousine turning into Caroline's drive. Stefan suppresses the much too familiar surge of jealousy and forces himself to think. Much as he wants to rush forward and interrupt any private moment they might have, Stefan holds himself back. Given how Caroline has been avoiding him, he can't expect her to welcome him. Confronting her now, with Morgan present, wasn't to his advantage. He stood a better chance with her when Jason wasn't available as a shield.
Leaning back in his seat and drawing in a slow breath, Stefan prays the wait wouldn't be long.
Checking through her peephole first, Carly opens the door and greets Jason with a wide smile. "Hi, come on in. Leticia just went to wake up Michael."
"Thanks." Hands buried in the pockets of his leather jacket, Jason saunters in. He conducts a brief inventory of Carly from head to toe, noting the circles under her eyes and the too-bright smile. "How's it going?"
Carly avoids his perceptive gaze and leads him to the living room. "Everything's going just fine. I've signed up for a Mommy-n-Me play group which starts next week. The time shouldn't conflict with your visits."
He hates when she does this, pretends everything is great even when it's plain to see it's not. Jason touches of her shoulder. "Carly."
Carly turns towards him, looking anywhere but his face. "What?"
Jason lifts her chin gently and reads the truth. She's miserable. "You haven't worked things out with Cassadine."
Feeling the tears rise to the surface, Carly bats Jason's hand away and turns her back to him. Damn him, why couldn't he leave it well enough alone? "Sure I have," She retorts bitterly, walking a few paces away. "He's made it pretty clear he doesn't want me."
"Then he's stupid," Jason says flatly.
Carly swallows the lump in her throat. "I don't want to talk about it.... I just want to get through today."
"Why don't you come with us this time?" Jason suggests. "Pack an overnight bag. There's an extra bed in Michael's room for you to sleep in and Graciella's making her spaghetti."
As much as Carly is tempted, she shakes her head. "I can't, Jason."
"You know it'll be more fun than whatever you have going on," Jason presses.
"You know why I can't! You want what I can't give you. It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to me either." Carly's voice softens when Jason looks away from her, the only indication he gives that his feelings are hurt. "Please accept what I'm saying. I need to know I can get through this without being propped up by you or any other man. I do love you, Jase. Just not the way you want me to."
Jason shrugs off her "I can be patient."
"No, I don't want you to wait." Carly walks up to Jason and puts a gentle hand on his arm. When he looks down at her, she continues with her other hand pressed against her heart. "You have to understand. I don't know if what's broken in me will ever be fixed. And even when it is, I don't know if I'll ever be able to love you back the way you need me to."
Jason's response is cut off when Leticia comes down the steps with Michael. Michael squeals with delight and claps his hands before reaching greedily for Jason. Jason reaches for him and after resting him on his hip, he takes the diaper bag from Leticia. "Hey there, Big guy. You ready to go?"
Carly tousles Michael's hair and leans in to give him a kiss. "I love ya, Mr Man. I'll see you two tomorrow afternoon."
Stefan watches with relief as Jason leaves with Michael in his arms. With Michael removed from scene for the moment, it will give Carly one less obstacle to put in his path. He never thought he'd be grateful to Morgan for anything.
Once Morgan's limousine has disappeared down the road, Stefan steps out of his car and slams the door. This is it. Taking a steadying breath, he smoothes out his suit coat and approaches the house.
Just as he's climbing the steps onto her porch, the door opens. He slows when he sees Leticia backing out and holds the screen door open for her. "Good evening, Miss Juarez." He peeks over Leticia's shoulder and notices Carly just a few paces away. At the sound of his greeting, Carly turns to face him.
"Hi, Mr Cassadine," comes Leticia's quiet greeting.
Carly's heart drops into her stomach the moment she hears Stefan's voice at her door. It couldn't be! She whirls around and sure enough he's holding the screen door open for Leticia. She has the urge to beg Leticia to stay. The last thing she wants is to be alone with Stefan. Not when she stands a good chance of making a fool of herself.
But the moment passes, Leticia disappears off the porch in pursuit of her night off, and Carly is left rooted to the spot on the landing, feeling naked under Stefan's intense scrutiny. For the life of her she can't figure out why he'd be here now. Not trusting her voice she says nothing, feeling herself flush under his head to toe survey.
Scan complete, Stefan's eyes meet hers again. "May I come in?"
Already he's treating her with a stranger's politeness. Carly crosses her arms over her chest in a protective gesture. "Would you go away if I said no?"
Stefan's eyes dim slightly, but he steps inside and closes the door carefully behind him. "We need to talk."
"I had a feeling you were going to say that." Carly, afraid of losing it under his scrutiny, turns away and walks down the few steps into the living room towards her desk. . Why oh why couldn't he have come when Jason was here and able to get him to leave. Who is she kidding... he probably waited until Jason left. "Listen, I don't know why you felt you had to come here in person. A thank you note would have done the trick."
Thank you note?! Stefan has prepared himself for just about anything she could throw at him, but this makes no sense. Shaking off the confusion, Stefan follows her into the living room. "That isn't why I am here, Caroline, and I believe you know that."
Carly seizes the closest things she sees, her appointment book, and starts flipping through it, trying to keep the despair at bay. "Well, whatever... This isn't the best time for me," She says in the most bored tone she can conjure. "I've got a ton of phone calls to return to get ready for a decorating job tomorrow."
Stefan's hands twitch at his sides. What he wants to do is shake her back into the woman he recognizes. "Caroline."
The words on the page start to waver and blur. With her eyes firmly trained on her appointment book, she waves him towards the door. "If you don't mind, could you let yourself out?"
Silence reigns. Her bowed head and feigned concentration is all too familiar, Stefan muses. It has taken him a moment, but he sees the smoke screen for what it is. Before she can sense what he's up to, he approaches her and takes her chin firmly in his hand and forces her to look at him. His heart drops at the raw despair in her eyes. It didn't have to be like this! "Caroline--" He begins, moving in to comfort, to wipe her tears away.
Carly wrenches back and bats his hand away. "Stay away from me! Why are you here? Don't you realize this is rubbing salt in the wounds?"
Stefan takes another step toward her but when Carly backs away again he stops short. "I am here in an attempt to clear the air between us," he tries again patiently. He would keep trying until she heard him. Her misery just proves his point. "We can't leave things like this indefinitely."
"And why not?" Carly shoots back, retreating a few more steps from him and covering her stomach with her arms again. "It would have spared us both the embarrassment of this conversation."
It's his worst fear realized. For the hundredth time he chastises himself letting his fears and foolish pride prevent him from confronting her immediately.
Because of his hesitation and confusion, a week passed in which her doubts and fears and God-knows-what seeds Helena planted have grown unchecked. "This would explain why you haven't taken my phone calls." It all made sense. Her defended posture. Her attempts to force him to leave. "So you are certain how this conversation will unfold. That it is over between us."
"Isn't it?" Carly doesn't wait for him to answer. "Listen.... I'm not holding you to any promises you made me the night Helena tried to kill you. You were hurt pretty bad and emotions were running high. We both said things we didn't mean. It's just that I see things more clearly in the light of day."
"What if I meant all that I said that night?" He asks carefully, hoping to create an opening, a place to begin to repair the damage. If he could remind her of those treasured few hours, of how they felt when they were together, maybe he could build on that.
"What? That you want to sleep with me?" Carly shrugs. "You've never made it a secret that you desired me, Stefan, even when you couldn't stand me otherwise. And God knows I wanted you." She smiles sadly, the irony of the moment isn't lost on her. A few short months ago, even a couple weeks ago, she would have (and had) sold her soul to be what he wanted. And now she sees it for the empty hell that it is. "I can't do it anymore. I can't be a body for you to 'slake your sexual appetite on'."
"STOP!" Stefan thunders, furious at being reminded of his own cruel words. If she didn't want to be with him, he could force himself to accept that, but he wouldn't let her reduce their relationship to lust and sex. "If all I wanted was intercourse there are any number of women who would be willing to oblige. Ones who are not nearly as complicated or terrifying."
Carly lifts her chin defiantly. "So go find yourself one. I'm sure Katherine Bell is more than willing."
"Enough of this nonsense," Stefan growls darkly. Provoked beyond reason, he advances on her. "I don't desire Katherine Bell or any other woman." He keeps stalking toward her even as she retreats until she's backed up against a wall. He places his hands on either side of her head, trapping her. "And for the record, this isn't merely about lust. You are the one I want, Caroline." His mouth just inches from her cheek, he says more softly. "You."
Damn him for knowing how to manipulate her. It is almost impossible to resist him when he is this close, talking softly to her. Her body wants nothing more than to dissolve under him, to forget the pain and the insecurity and for the moment feel loved and cherished. But in her heart she knows that the cost to her self-respect is too high a price to pay for a moment of perfection.
Just as his mouth descends to kiss her, Carly turns her face away and shoves at his chest. Her push doesn't completely dislodge him, but it is enough to keep him at bay. "NO."
"No?"
"I can't..." Carly's voice cracks under the strain. It hurt, physically, to turn away from what he is offering. "Why can't you respect what I said? I can't be your mistress or a body to warm your bed. Just... just leave me alone!"
"So that's it... you want me gone." Stefan rolls back on his heels and pushes away from the wall, away from her. "Everything you said the night Helena attacked me was a lie."
"I thought you might be dying," Carly hedges. "People say crazy things when they're scared. That's all it was."
"I do not believe you," Stefan retorts, suddenly angry at her dishonesty. "You were sincere when you told me you loved me. My mother must have said something to you before she died. She scared you, didn't she?" Anger and desperation propel him to grab Carly by her arms. "Tell me what lie she told you," He demands, giving her a shake. "Tell me!"
"Get off me!" Alarmed by his sudden show of violence, Carly shoves him back hard, until he breaks his hold. "Helena has nothing to do with what happened between us. It died a long time ago, it just took me a while to catch on."
"NO! You loved me!" He roars, practically vibrating with his hands clenched at his sides. "I felt it in your kiss that night, in the way you held onto me. Your body couldn't deceive me so completely." He catches Carly's telltale flush which confirms he's right. "So somehow she has done it. Even dead she has the power to destroy my life." Stefan paces as he raves. "Do you have any idea what it's been like to be her son? My mother made it her mission since the moment I was born to annihilate any chance I had at happiness. Anything or anyone I cared about or loved she stole from me. And finally... FINALLY! For the first time in my life I am truly free of her. And yet she found a way to take you away from me before she died," Stefan's voice cracks and for the first time, his eyes glitter with a sheen of tears. "I will go from your life if you wish it, but before I do you will tell me how she killed your love for me."
"She didn't." Drawn by his pain and the slim hope that she means something to him, Carly walks up to a distraught Stefan and takes his bearded chin in her hands. "I need to know what you feel for me."
Her hopeful open expression gives him courage. Stefan reaches into the pocket of his suit coat and removes a small velvet box. "It is not easy for me to say the words, when for so long they could have spelled disaster for me...." He holds the box in front of her. "Open it."
Carly takes the box and flips open the lid, then gasps at the glittering pair of earrings she never thought she'd see again. Her tears start afresh.
"Do you remember what you said to me when you returned them?" Stefan asks softly.
"I said I couldn't keep them." Carly's lip trembles as her fingers traces the stones she loves so much.
It had broken her heart to give them up.
"You said something else. something that almost broke me.... You said you believed the earrings were from a man who could have loved you." He lifts Carly's chin so he can see her tear soaked face. "They are from a man who loves you, Caroline. More than I ever thought it possible to love anyone."
More tears spill from Carly's eyes as she reaches up to touch his face reverently, to feel if he's real. It wasn't possible. Rule number one in her life: Carly Benson wanted love, but all men wanted from from her was sex. And Stefan could have anyone he wanted. It must be a dream, a wonderful dream she would wake up from any moment. "You... you love me."
The soft tender touch from Carly nearly undoes him. This is what he wants most. Her love, her touch, her smile, all of her that makes him feel strong and weak at the same time. It would never be enough to possess her physically and it meant he would have to give her power over him. A wave of fear mixed with joy hits him; Stefan closes his eyes and presses a kiss into her palm. "I love you so much it terrifies me."
Carly throws her arms around Stefan 's neck and sobs in earnest. "Oh you have no idea how miserable I've felt! I love you so much and thought you'd never love me... but you do!" She squeezes him fiercely as she whispers reverently, still not quite believing. "You love me."
Stefan's arms wrap around her waist and crush her against him. After days of tormenting himself with all the possible reasons for how he lost her. After what feels like an eternity of being denied her, he'll never let her go. Never.
Carly unwinds her hands from his neck and pushes away slightly to thrust the earrings at Stefan. "Put them on me," She orders damply, swiping at the remaining tears on her face. "I know they'll look silly with my jeans, but I want them on anyway and I'm in no shape to do it."
"It will be an honor." With a slight tremor in his hand, Stefan removes one earring from the box and attaches it to her ear. He finds the simple intimate ritual calming. "I look forward to doing this many times in the future," He murmurs finally as he fastens the second earring. "I plan to be your handmaiden as frequently as you will let me."
"That'll make getting dressed a challenge," Carly muses, splaying her hands on his chest. It feels wonderful to touch him again and know that he loves her too.
For the first time in a week, Stefan smiles genuinely. "It is the general plan." He frames her face with his hands and admires her in the earrings. "Beautiful."
Carly tugs at his lapels impatiently, bringing his mouth closer to hers . "Kiss me."
"Nothing would give me greater pleasure." And his lips are on hers in an instant. The kiss is part possession, part affirmation and infused with so much love Stefan feels dizzy from the power of it. His fingers bury into her hair to cup the back of her head as he kisses her over and over, starved for the taste of her, wanting more more more. The need is bottomless and he can barely breathe from his need to melt into her. To let the love pour out of him freely, no holding back, to just let himself love her without regret or fear or self loathing.
Carly pulls back, panting, awed by the tender onslaught so different from anything she's ever experienced. She feels full and brimming over with emotion, with joy, with love, it's so much it's actually a bit frightening. She touches his cheek lovingly as she tries to catch her breath. "I feel it. It's real."
Stefan's gaze is intense and unwavering. "You feel it?"
Carly puts her hand on Stefan's heart and stares at him in awe. "This. Your heart, your love. I feel it. You love me, you really love me. I've never felt this with anyone, from anyone."
Stefan puts his hand over hers and presses it against his chest. "You have my heart, Caroline. When I love, I love forever."
"Show me," Carly asks, stepping into him, molding her body against his so there is no space between them. It still doesn't feel close enough for either of them. "Show me what it is like to be loved by you. Make love to me."
In response to her plea, Stefan draws her into a long drugging kiss that leaves them both swaying when he releases her. Ignoring the stinging pull on his stitches, Stefan swings Carly into his arms and heads up the steps to her bedroom.
Chapter 100
** Note: this chapter contains a small amount NC-17 rated (sexually explicit) material.
Sunlight, rich in gold autumn hues, filters through the curtains in Carly's bedroom to warm the plush carpet and quilt bedspread. The door falls open, revealing the entwined lovers framed in the doorway.
Locked in an endlessly sweet kiss, Carly backs into the room with Stefan's arms wrapped firmly about her waist. They are so closely melded, that even fully dressed, they operate as one. Nothing exists outside of this room and this moment.
Carly leans into Stefan and places her hands on either side of his head in an attempt to be closer. Stefan responds by crushing her against his chest. With a deep throated sigh Carly mutters against his lips. "It's been too long."
Stefan breaks the kiss to trail moist kisses down her jaw towards her ear, alternately licking and nibbling. Drawing her earlobe into his mouth, he whispers the promise. "Never again."
Carly knees weaken as her hands grab onto the lapels of his suit coat. She would never get enough of him, he tastes too good, feels so perfect. His tongue, his teeth, his lips on her throat drive her wild. The need to be closer, to be a part of him is stronger than she's ever experienced before. Total surrender. And love beyond her wildest dreams. The words he spoke earlier repeat in her head and make her heart do somersaults: When I love, I love forever. You have my heart. It felt as if he was speaking for her in that moment, echoing her own feelings and thoughts.
This is the man she would love for the rest of her life.
Love bubbling over, Carly pulls away a pace, takes his hands in hers, and leads him into the room. Before Stefan can close the distance and take her into his arms again, She stops him by bringing his knuckles up to her lips. "Change of plan." When his questioning eyes meet hers, she makes her plea. "Let me make love to you. Let me show you how much I love you." She punctuates her statement by kissing his knuckles again. "Please."
Stefan's stomach flips at her suggestion. She is gazing at him with her heart in her eyes, filled with trust and anticipation. Carly wants control of their lovemaking. Already he's given her his heart, but she wants even more. She is asking him to relinquish control and trust her with every part of himself, even his darkest parts.
But isn't that what loving her means? Closing his eyes and swallowing the lump in his throat, Stefan breathes deeply and brings the back of her hands to his lips. He would do this for her, because he loves her. Because she asked. Not trusting his voice, he nods his agreement.
It isn't until he gives his answer that she realizes she's been holding her breath. Before he can have second thoughts, Carly promptly leads him to the edge of the bed and sits him down. Taking his face between her hands, her eyes bore into his, straight into his soul, seeming to see everything: his love, his anticipation and apprehension. He gazes back, willing himself to let go, to lose himself in her brown eyes. Emotions swirl in his chest, causing it tighten and he lets himself feel it all, be in the moment.
Then she's lowering her lips to his and he turns his face up to meet her, eager for the contact. The kiss is tender and reverent and infinitely intoxicating in it's innocence. The urge to deepen it and take it over is strong, but Stefan keeps his hands flat on the bed and lets himself be passive, to feel the love pouring out of her into him. To accept what she's offering without controlling it.
Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I'll envy it not
And endure what comes
Cause he's all that I got and
tell him...
The kiss goes on and on, cleansing him and shining light on the darker recesses. It's dangerous in it's sweetness because he can't defend himself, can't stop the tears coming to his eyes. He never knew a kiss could do this to him. "Caroline---" Her name comes out choked.
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
And it'll be all right
"Shshhh, it's okay," Carly whispers in Stefan' ear as the pads of her thumbs wipe away the few tears that escape. She recognizes the emotion behind the bewildered and haunted look in his eyes. Of being so deeply in love that want becomes need. "It's the same for me. Don't fight it."
Now I may have faith to make mountains fall
But if I lack love then I am nothin' at all
I can give away everything I possess
But left without love then I have no happiness
When Carly pulls back a half step, Stefan feels the loss keenly. Her lips, hovering tantalizingly out of reach, cause him to ache for their blessing again. Just when he is about to reach for her, Carly's hands move to the buttons of his shirt and slowly slip the buttons out of the holes. His breathing stops when her hand touches his bare skin.
Letting her make love to him is going to drive him insane.
I know I'm imperfect
& not without sin
But now that I'm older all childish things end
and tell him...
Subtly at first, Carly deepens the kiss. Her tongue becomes bold in claiming Stefan's mouth and her touch turns hot and possessive. She parts his shirt and splays her hand on his stomach, promising without words: You're Mine.
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
And it'll be all right
Stefan looks at her hand on his stomach and starts to shake. How could she know? How is it possible when he hid it from everyone, including himself?
He's spent his life denying his need to be loved, his need to belong to someone. Since he's been small, he's known on an almost instinctual level that there's no one who can fill that void, who can love him enough to fill the cavernous need inside him that goes on forever. It's a sentinel fact of his existence, it isn't something he thinks about or even yearns for, because it's something he just knows; he will never belong to another. So he's gone from relationship to relationship, either choosing women who can't love him or he can't love, or are doomed to end in disaster. He's never given more than a sliver of himself because he knew that's all there is.
And now Caroline, a woman he once considered the definition of selfish and immature, is offering what he never thought he could have. She just understands, without him asking, without him even expecting or hoping for it. She not only wants and loves him, she is fearlessly offering to fill a void, to be whatever he needs her to be.
Stefan can't stop himself from responding. In calling to a part of him that has never had voice or seen the light of day, she has roused a monster, and it's too late, because his defenses are gone. It is responding to her understanding without asking permission, it's beyond his control, like a tidal wave breaking through a dam. It demands to be heard, to be filled, not caring if it destroys just a long as it's satisfied. Just wanting and needing her.
I'm yours. Love me. I'm empty, I'm alone. I'm ugly, I'm nothing, I'm scared. Don't leave me. I'll die if you leave me. It's pouring out, in a stream of consciousness. All the neediness he loathes and suppresses surges forth, as if it has been laying in wait for just this opportunity.
As terrified as he is, he has no choice but to surrender completely and let himself go. And pray she is strong enough not to shrink back in fear from the ugly all consuming need inside him. He knew it's possible that when she sees everything, it could ruin it all.
God help them both.
Stefan's breath comes out as a choked sob as the tears that were pooling in his eyes moments before stream down his face. Carly steps forward again and captures the tears with her lips, covering his damp cheeks with soft kisses and loving murmurs while her hands flick his shirt off and slide around his neck. "My love, it's okay, It's really okay."
It's sweet agony. Stefan wraps his arms around her waist and crushes her against his chest. He buries his face in her neck, sure that he is dying but not caring just so long as Carly keeps holding him.
Not that she is letting go. Carly has never felt so calm, so sure, so strong about anything in her life. Far from scaring her, Stefan's reaction is proof that not only does he love her, but they belonged, and she can give him what he needs. That he would let her see this part of him confirms how much he trusts her.
I'll never be jealous
And I won't be too proud
Cause love is not boastful
Oooh and love is not loud
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
Everything's gonna be all right
Giddy and turned on by her newfound power, Carly levers Stefan backwards onto the bed and draws her nails down his trembling chest. She loves him so much, she could never be tired of touching him. Her eyes rise to meet his pleading ones, and she sees how plainly she could drive him crazy. But not this time, not when he could be so easily hurt.
Bending over him she laves his navel with her tongue while her fingers trace his chiseled torso down to the zipper of his pants. His gasp is audible. Stefan's eyes roll up into his head. "Dear God..."
Carly grins as her forefinger traces the bulge in his pants before unzipping them. She slides her hand inside the elastic of his silk boxers to cup his length, causing Stefan to jerk up on the bed involuntarily before collapsing backward again. Okay, maybe just a little. She could get used to having him at her mercy.
Stefan reaches for her to pull her down to him but Carly pushes him back against the bed with a good-natured scolding. "I'm not done yet. It's my turn." Turning her attention to undressing him, she admires his magnificent nude body as she slips the pants and boxers off his legs. Apart from the nasty scar Helena gave him on his shoulder and neck, he is stunning.
Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth
But if I speak wrong then what is it worth?
See what we now know is nothing compared
to the love that was shown when our lives were spared
and tell him...
Stefan finds it difficult to string a coherent thought together as he lies passive on the bed. All he knows is that Caroline, who standing in between his legs at the foot of the bed, is much too far away. She is barely touching him and he needs to feel her more than he needs air. It's like dying to be this separate from her. The emptiness is suffocating. He can't wait to hold her anymore or he'll die. All rational thought is gone, only the desire to fuse, to feel her on him, around him. Only being so completely melded he can't tell where he ends would be close enough.
This time when Stefan reaches for her he won't be denied. He drags her roughly up his body, desperate to feel her lips on his, knowing it will renew his strength and end this aching emptiness. Their lips meet and Stefan groans, opening his mouth to let her in, silently begging her to fill him up. He feels a wave of relief coupled with desire when she enthusiastically responds by plunging her tongue into his mouth. Matching her passion, Stefan buries his fingers in her blonde tresses, holding her head in a viselike grip so she won't slip away again.
The kiss goes on for an eternity, passionate and so intense it steals their breath away. Finally Stefan breaks it to catch his breath, but only for a moment before trailing wet kisses down her throat. Wanting to claim all of her at once, his hands relinquish their hold on her head and begin tugging at her clothing, unsuccessfully. He pauses between kisses to ask, "Why are there still clothes?"
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
And it'll be all right
It has been fun to drive him wild, but when he dragged her on top of him, Carly knew the teasing was over. His desperate kiss and urgent embrace told her he was beyond his limit.
Now lying on top of him and being kissed for all she's worth, her own desire and need feed off his. She aches to feel his hands on her, to feel the heat spread through her body, to make love with him knowing there was nothing keeping them apart. Carly reaches between them to unbutton and unzip her jeans then guides him to her waistband.
Carly groans when Stefan's hands knead her bottom under the denim fabric. Finding it intensely erotic, Carly writhes in frustration, wanting to be free but heating under Stefan's caress. Carly arches back, reaching behind her to shove at her jeans, and cries out when Stefan's mouth latches on her breast, sucking it into his mouth and dampening the cloth. Before she can gather her wits, he releases it and latches onto the other to give it the same treatment. Half wild with lust, Carly can barely move in her clothes. She wants them gone NOW, but can't seem to figure out how to do it with Stefan so determined to take possession of her, with or without clothes. Just as her fumbling hands manage to slide the jeans off her ass, Stefan's nimble fingers find her throbbing clit and stroke it with practiced skill. Carly screams, desire ricocheting through her body. It sends her nerves tingling so every pore is sensitive to his touch.
Stefan unlatches his mouth from her breast to nibble at the skin in the valley between her breasts while his fingers slip inside her slick hole. Insane himself with desire, his words spill out uncensored. "I need you, Caroline. I cannot bear this anymore. Please... Please..."
With a violent thrash of her legs, Carly finally frees her legs from the jeans. "God yes..." Sliding back, she straddles his waist and rearing up, she engulfs him completely in one smooth stroke.
Stefan gasps, his breath stolen from him. His eyes gaze reverently at Caroline towering above him. Simply beautiful. His hands reach up to lightly touch her hair and trace her face before grazing the outline of her body with a feather-like caress. He never wants this perfect moment to end. Her expression filled with love and desire for him, her body joined to his. Cupping her breasts under her blouse, he strokes the nipples gently with his thumb as their eyes meet. His voice is rough with emotion. "I love you, Caroline Benson Spencer."
"I love you too, Stefan Cassadine." His hands on her breasts shoot pleasant sparks straight down to her core. God, she's so hot, she feels like melting into a puddle. Carly groans when Stefan moves under her, thrusting himself deeper. Scratch the puddle, she wants to feel him move inside her. Teasing him with a slowness sure to drive him wild, she pulls almost all the way off him, then slides down again, repeating the motion again and again until Stefan grabs her buttocks and rises to meet her.
Her shirt leaves Carly's body in a whoosh before Stefan's arms encircle her, bringing her chest crashing down to his, his mouth seizing hers in a deep demanding kiss. He drives into her more quickly and Carly matches his rhythm, thrust for thrust their pleasure spiraling to dizzying heights until they are both mindless and mad for each other, no longer aware of themselves as separate beings. Their climax comes quickly. Shattering in a moment of blissful agony, Stefan shouts out and buries himself to the hilt in her slick pulsing walls, sending Carly over the edge with him.
Lyrics: "Tell Him" By Lauryn Hill
Chapter 101
"Miss Emily!" Reggie says with warm surprise, opening the front door wider. He reaches for the large white garment bag she's holding aloft. "I heard about your engagement, congratulations."
"Thanks, Reggie. It's sure good to see you." Emily hands the bag over gratefully and peeks in the door, hoping to avoid an ambush. "Is the coast clear?"
"Monica left for Italy this morning," He explains, ushering her inside. "She'll be gone for two weeks. Mr. Q is at a late business meeting. So... " He eyes the bag speculatively. "Is this what I think it is?"
Emily nods with a huge grin. "Yep, I picked it up from the seamstress this afternoon! I was hoping to give Grandmother a mini fashion show. Is she up for a visit?"
"With you? Definitely. She's in the living room." Holding the bag out of the way, Reggie opens the door and announces Emily. "Mrs. Q, you have a visitor."
Lila turns her wheelchair around and beams at the sight of her granddaughter. "Oh Emily, Darling, it is so good to see you!"
Emily crosses the room to kiss Lila's cheek and take her cool smooth hand. "I missed you, Grandmother. How have you been?"
Lila's eyes crinkle merrily. "Much better now that you're here. Your father told me the wonderful news that you are marrying Nikolas. He's such a dashing young man. I'm so happy for you, Darling." She leans in and lowers her voice. "Truth be told, I'm glad you waited to marry your beau, because now I will get to see you married."
"I'm glad too!" Emily blinks back a few tears of happiness and straightens up. Waiting was definitely the right decision. "So do you want to see my wedding dress?"
"Absolutely."
"Oh Emily, you are a vision." Lila says mistily, taking in the lithesome beauty turning slowly in front of her. The bead encrusted fitted bodice gives way to flowing white silk down to her ankles that accentuates her slim figure. Emily's lace trimmed veil falls past her shoulders. No doubt about it, her granddaughter had the figure that made men weak at the knees. "You look so grown up."
"Simply stunning," Reggie says breathlessly from the doorway. She was no longer little Em, she was full grown and breathtaking. He can't help but feel a bit sad.
"I knew it was the one as soon as I put it on," Emily says, blushing a little under their admiration. "Do you think Nikolas will like it?"
"His tongue will be on the floor," Reggie pronounces just as the door bell rings.
A familiar male voice filters through the doorway. "I'm here to meet Emily..."
"Oh God!" Emily gasps. Trapped, no escape except out the patio door. "He can't see me!"
"I'll head him off..." Reggie makes it to the doorway just in time to block Nikolas's entrance, pulling the doors closed behind him. "Sorry, you can't go in there right now."
Nikolas eyes the butler. "Is there a problem?"
Reggie grins at him. "Not so long as you stay out here."
Carly let out a low groan and sank further into the bedclothes. Up until now, she never thought she could overdose on sex. Granted, it isn't sex so much as the almost continual state of arousal she's been in since they entered her bedroom.
Immediately after the first time they made love, while she was still awestruck from the experience, Stefan gathered her in his arms and pulled her into the bed with him. Before she completely came down from the stratosphere he began caressing her, feasting on every available piece of skin, making every single pore sing for him. It's been hours she's sure, and her body hardly feels like her own anymore with how completely intent he is on possessing it.
Not that she's complaining. God! How can she? Never in her entire life has she felt this cherished, this LOVED. Like she's the object of someone's obsession. It's bliss, it's heaven.
And scary as hell.
Even if she was in the mind to protest, she is well beyond the point of denying him anything. Not after his declaration of love, and when he let her see how much he needed her. Her heart flips again at the giddy thought. He loves me! It still doesn't seem real.
Lying beside her on his side, one leg draped over hers, Stefan traces an intricate circular pattern around her navel while gazing at her face. Keenly sensitive to any change in her mood, he catches her far off look. He gently bites her earlobe then soothes it with his lips. "What are you thinking?"
Carly turns on her side so she is facing him and strokes Stefan's bearded cheek tenderly. "That you are perfect in every way." She punctuates her statement by pulling him to her for a kiss that is both languid and intimate. Feeling herself heat, she draws herself closer, sliding a leg between his.
Stefan breaks the kiss to trail his lips down her throat. Pausing to answer, he grins at her. "Obviously, lust has muddled your reasoning. Perhaps I can assist you with the problem...." Scoring her shoulder lightly with his teeth, Stefan returns to the pleasant task of seducing her.
Touching Carly, holding and kissing her, drawing her in and losing himself in the act of loving her gives him peace beyond any he has ever known. It silences the newly wakened neediness, it calms him and keeps the darker thoughts from coming to the surface.
Stefan is happier than he ever remembers being and wants it to stay that way. By some miracle, Caroline hasn't been frightened by his breakdown. He doesn't begin to comprehend why, but he will be forever grateful that she loves him enough to accept and understand him.
Now it is Stefan's sole mission to forge a bond with her that so impenetrable, Carly will never want to leave him.
"Good Evening, Master Nikolas, Miss Quartermaine." Mrs. Lansbury comes forward to take their jackets. "Dinner will be ready shortly. Mr. Cassadine sends his regrets to both of you; he won't be returning home until tomorrow."
"Thank you, Mrs. Lans---" Nikolas does a double take and catches the smile hidden behind the servant's polite manner. "Wait, does this mean what I think it means?"
Mrs. Lansbury nods. "Yes, Sir, I believe so. If his mood is any indicator, things progressed as we all hoped."
"Thank God!" Nikolas says to the ceiling. "Bring us some champagne, will you, Mrs. Lansbury? I believe this is a cause for celebration. Three glasses, as you will be joining us."
Emily looks at Nikolas oddly, not clued into the topic. "Celebrate what?"
Nikolas pulls Emily against his waist and walks her to the conservatory. "Father went over to Carly's this afternoon."
"So this means they made up?!"
"Yes. Which also means no more scowling Stefan terrorizing the servants and ruining our moods." Once in the middle of the Wyndemere conservatory, Nikolas pulls into his arms. Pressing his face into her hair, his hands slide up her back. His lips graze her earlobe before trailing kisses down her neck. "I've been waiting too long to have you to myself."
Emily tips her head back to allow him more access, even as she warns, "Isn't Mrs. Lansbury coming back any minute?"
"Whatever we do can't possibly scandalize her," Nikolas says, even as he draws back reluctantly. "50 years in the service of the family, she's seen everything. Speaking of servants, What was with Reginald not letting me into the Quartermaine living room?"
Mrs. Lansbury appears on cue and places a bottle of fine champagne on the liquor cart. Making quick work of the cork, she pours the beverage into three crystal champagne flutes while Emily answers Nikolas. "I was trying on my wedding dress for Grandmother, and you aren't supposed to see it." Emily accepts a champagne flute from Mrs. Lansbury. "Thanks."
Nikolas raises his glass and waits for the women to raise theirs. "To my Father. May Carly keep him too happy and busy too interfere in our wedding preparations." They all sip champagne. "Mrs. Lansbury, once dinner is served, you and the servants may have the rest of the night off. We'll take care of ourselves."
"Very Good, Master Nikolas. Your generosity will be appreciated." After draining her glass, Mrs. Lansbury retires to the kitchen to begin serving the meal.
"I'm so happy for your father," Emily says, putting down her champagne flute. "It seems like everything is coming together. Even grandfather was reasonable this afternoon."
"Did he apologize for what he tried to do to Carly and Michael?"
Emily laughs at the thought. "Not my Grandfather! He never apologizes. But he came as close to admitting he was wrong as he ever does." She links her arm through Nikolas's and allows herself to be led to the loveseat. "Call me weak, but it's hard to stay mad at him. He all but pleaded for me to have the wedding in the rose garden. Do you mind---?"
"Not at all. I always believed it would be in the rose garden." Once they are seated, Nikolas takes her hand in his and squeezes it, knowing his next question may upset her. "Did you run into Monica?"
"She's in Italy on vacation. Grandmother said she had a long talk with Mom before she left and is convinced she'll come home with a fresh perspective. I just don't know, Nikolas." A sad shadow crosses Emily's face. "I want my mother at my wedding, but not if she's the same person that took her vendetta with Carly to court and hurt the family." She forces a smile. "But it's going to work out, right?"
"Come here." Nikolas smiles crookedly, then draws her into his lap. He kisses her slowly, methodically deepening it until she's sagging against him. "We are going to have a wonderful wedding and a wonderful life. I'll accept nothing less."
The Cottage
Stefan lies on his back staring at the ceiling with a dozing Carly lying on top of him, her head on his chest. One hand crooked behind his head, the fingers of his other hand absently run through her silken blonde hair. With each passing moment he feels himself tense. Free floating anxiety swirls in his chest making him ache. As ironic as it sounds, he would feel better if he had something specific to worry about. But even to his own mind, things could not be more perfect with Caroline. She still loves him, she forgave him for his horrible behavior, she welcomed his declaration of love with all the enthusiasm he could hope for, and best of all, she wasn't frightened by what he let her see. So why does his chest feel tight enough to snap?
It is the same feeling he felt the morning after Helena was murdered, and it ruled his actions when he let Caroline pull away. Except this time it was more intense, and it was matched by an equally intense and frightening need to pull Caroline even closer.
His stomach contracts. It is the need she wakened earlier that disturbs him the most. It is the fact that it isn't something he has control of, and that it might scare Caroline, or worse, drain her dry. It is abhorrent to need anyone this much, to feel like you'll die if you don't have them. It is the stuff of nightmares.
Not that there is anything he would do to change how he feels about her. Caroline is his present and future, he is happier and more whole than he ever remembers being. He cannot allow anything to part them, certainly not this pathetic need burning inside him. He knows as soon as she wakes again, the anxiety will be pushed to the background and his focus will be on pleasing her and further securing their connection.
His anxiety at its peak, Stefan leans down and kisses her slowly awake, thrilling a little at the happy groan Carly gives as she rouses. Her hands cup his bearded cheeks lovingly as she kisses him back deeply, drawing his tongue into her mouth. Stefan warms at her invitation, his hands trailing down her spine to cup her bottom. It is as intense as before.
Breathless, Carly pulls back, her eyes warm with tenderness and desire. "God, I love you."
Stefan's hands fly up to her head and draw her back down for a full on kiss. Love pours out of him into her. "I love you, Caroline---" He kisses her again, more passionately, more desperately, then breaks it off again. "I love you." The words tumble out, no less true for the fact that they are uncensored and unplanned. "Marry me."
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