Send In the Clowns By Aimstark Frisco looked around for his waiter. He caught the server's attention and signaled him over. "Are you ready to order sir?" "No, not just yet, but I could use another one of these." He raised his half empty glass and swirled the contents around ever so slightly. "Another Jack Daniel's single barrel on the rocks?" "Yeah but I'll take it neat this time. Thanks." "Very good, Sir." Frisco sat back and listened to the piano player. Who would have thought that the lead singer of The Riff Raff liked to hang out in a piano bar listening to show tunes no less? The guy wasn't half bad. Isn't it rich, Aren't we a pair Me here at last on the ground, You in mid-air Send in the clowns Isn't it bliss, Don't you approve One who keeps tearing around, One who can't move Where are the clowns? Send in the clowns The waiter returned shortly, set the drink down and left to take care of another table. Frisco added the bourbon to the last of his previous drink and took a sip. "Hello Frisco." He looked up at the cheerful voice, startled. "Felicia! You're here? How...I thought..." "Frisco you're mouth is hanging open." Frisco rubbed his eyes. Was this real? Was it really Felicia standing in front of him? He'd wanted more than anything to talk to her but didn't think it possible. "You're staring, Frisco. It's a little disconcerting." "I...I'm sorry, it's just that, well, under the circumstances I'm just really surprised to see you. I can't believe you're here." She wrinkled her nose and waved off his words. "Why wouldn't I be here? You did say that you have a pretty big decision to make and its one that will affect Georgie and Maxie. You also said that wished you could talk it through with me remember? Well, here I am!" "You look beautiful, like an angel." He wasn't kidding either. She had that otherworldly ethereal glow about her. It looked like the soft lighting they used to use on Doris Day and Cybil Shepard. He closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened his eyes the glow was gone. How many of these Jack Daniels had he had anyway? Felicia slipped into the chair across from her ex-husband and took a long hard look at him. Her brows knotted together and she frowned briefly, concerned for the man seated across from her. "You look tired." "Yeah, well I haven't really been sleeping all that well. I guess I have a lot on my mind." She reached toward a newly healed wound above his left eye but pulled her hand back at the last possible moment. "I take it your last mission was a tough one?" "What makes you say that?" "Oh, I don't know. Maybe that cut above your eye, or maybe that you look like hell and you've dropped about 10 pounds, or maybe it's that beard. You know it really doesn't do anything for you." Frisco gave her a wry smile. "Guilty as charged. It was bad. I almost didn't make it out alive." He winced at that. Why had he said that? What an inappropriate thing to say to her! "Well, I'm glad you did. This would have been a really bad time for you to get yourself killed." Still uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation he took a sip of his drink. Time to change the subject. "Yeah. So um, you don't like the beard? Really?" Felicia smiled and shook her head. "Really." He shrugged. And ran a hand over his beard. "I haven't had the guts to shave it off. It's gotten so thick I'm afraid I'll cut my face up. Guess I could use a haircut too." "Wouldn't hurt. So, how about we cut the small talk and discuss this big decision of yours." Just when I stopped opening doors Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours Making my entrance again with my usual flair Sure of my lines - no one is there Frisco takes another sip of his drink. "Sean wants to promote me." "Frisco! That's wonderful!" He shook his head. "Yeah. Maybe. Actually, I'm not so sure. A promotion would mean a desk job." Felicia winced, "That would be awfully difficult for you, wouldn't it? This saving the world business is your life." "Well, it has been so far. I don't know, I've been weighing the pros and the cons but I'm no closer to finding my answer. Giving up the field work..." "I know how hard that is and I know the harm that can be done if you try to give it up when you're not ready to, when you don't want to." "I heard about that and Felicia, I've got to ask you something about that time." "Sure, what is it?" Frisco tried to find the right way to ask her this question but realized there really was no other way than the direct approach. "Felicia, what in the hell were thinking getting involved with Luke Spencer of all people!" She scowled at him. "It was all your fault!" "Mine? MY fault? How do you figure that?!" "Well okay, not your fault per se but everything about you. I was jealous. There you were running around to all these exotic places on exciting missions to save the world...your life was...is full of adventure and I missed that. Luke is like that too, you know? And being around him and listening to him, well I couldn't help but miss that part of my life. I wasn't even really doing any PI work. So, it seduced me, HE seduced me." Frisco stared at her with his mouth hanging open. "What? Stop staring at me like that Frisco!" He shook his head in disbelief and took another drink. "Felicia, when you took off after Luke, not knowing when you'd be back, did you even think about the girls?" "Oh you're one to ask that question now aren't you?" "Yes! Yes I am the BEST one to ask! Look, we talked about this Felicia remember? When Maxie almost died I wanted to be there! YOU were the one that told me not to worry, that YOU would be there for the girls. YOU were the one that sent me back to the WSB with your blessing and I went back because I knew, I KNEW you would be there for them no matter what! And when you and Mac got married it broke my heart because I have ALWAYS loved you, loved our girls, but I knew that it was the best for all of you if I was a world away. Do you really think I like it that they don't know me?" Felicia's eyes welled with tears, knowing that he spoke the truth. "Oh Frisco, they do know you. They know that you're their father and that you love them. They treasure your emails and the exotic souvenirs you send..." "We're getting off track here Felicia. I really want--I NEED to understand what you were thinking? How could you just up and leave the girls like you did? "It wasn't supposed to happen that way. I really didn't think I'd be gone that long, and really, how was I supposed to know that Faison would kidnap me? And besides, Mac was there for the girls." "Mac couldn't do it all alone Felicia! How could you have expected him to? He had no idea where you were, how to reach you. He had his hands full with his job; He couldn't be there for them. If I hadn't been on a mission, if I'd known at the time, I could have been there to help or I could have found you but that wasn't possible, so he had to take the girls to Mariah's and you didn't even know did you?" Felicia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Okay! I was an idiot! I admit that. I handled things so badly but I've tried to make it up. I've worked very hard to reconnect with Maxie." "Yes you have, Felicia. I know how hard you've tried but you lost so much because of that and for what? Did you learn from that? NO! You had to go and get involved with more adventure with Roy DeLucca! He got you in even worse trouble for God's sake! You didn't trust Mac enough to ask for his help but you trusted this guy? His actions, and yours got the girls involved! An international arms dealer of the worst kind kidnapped them! I left you and the girls so that this kind of thing would never touch them!" Don't you love farce, My fault I fear I thought that you'd want what I want, Sorry my dear But where are the clowns There ought to be clowns Quick send in the clowns "Look, if this is how our discussion is going to go I'm leaving. I didn't come here to talk about my mistakes, okay?" "But we have to, Felicia. We have to talk about them because it plays into my decision. You and Mac are divorced, and as much as I love Mariah, she's getting too old to be able to be there all the time. The girls need a stable force in their lives. I've talked to Sean, I could take my promotion and be stationed back in Port Charles." "The girls still have Mac." "And Mac's life is more hectic than ever. In case it didn't sink in, he has his hands full between the Mob situation and now Alcazar. And when that trouble passes, Mac will still be the police commissioner which is a 24/7 job." "Mac loves those girls as if they were his own and they love him." "And me Felicia, what about me?" Her face softened and she reached out to take his hand but never quite touched him. "You're their dad. You'll always be their dad. They love you too." "But they don't know me. Look, if I take the promotion and come back, will that do more harm than good?" A wave of realization washes over Felicia and it becomes clear to her why Frisco had called her on her recent behavior. "Only if you make the same mistakes I did," she whispers. "If you come back only to leave them again because your James Bond itch needs scratching, then you're right, it would be better for you to stay away. But if you really are ready to settle down, their lives can only be that much richer." "Do you think I can do it?" "It's not my judgment to make, Frisco. What do YOU think?" "Well, I am getting pretty tired of foreign prisons and near death experiences. In all honesty, I'm starting to feel a little old for this, for the physical part of this anyway. I'm also getting a little tired of not having somewhere to call home." "You just came off a mission. How will you feel after you've showered and shaved, slept in a bed for a week or two, will you still be tired of it?" Frisco nodded. "Yeah, I think so. But at the same time I'm afraid that being at a desk job will be tedious. I'd get antsy." "Did you talk to Sean about your concerns?" "I did. That's when he suggested being stationed in Port Charles. The WSB wants to open a branch there. It's become a big international crime hub and he seems to think I'll be too busy to be bored." "Well, after my experience with Alcazar I tend to agree." "Whether I take the promotion or not, I am going to take down Alcazar for what he's done, you know that right?" "I know I should take the high road and tell you not to but..." Felicia shrugged, "Have a party." They sat in silence for a minute or two, and just listened to the music. Isn't it rich, isn't it queer Losing my timing this late in my career And where are the clowns Quick send in the clowns Don't bother they're here. "So, did our talk help at all?" "It did. Thank you for coming. I just needed to talk it through with you. You know both sides." Felicia stood up. "Well then, my work here is done. I know that whatever you decide will be the right thing, Frisco." "Oh, do you have to leave already?" "I'm afraid so." He watched her walk away and fade into the crowd. "Goodbye lady of my heart. Goodbye," he said softly. Frisco signaled his waiter for another drink as he picked up the piece of paper lying in front of him and read through eyes moist with unshed tears. Frisco. Stop. No easy way to tell you. Stop. Felicia has been shot. Stop. She died this evening. Stop. Luis Alcazar responsible. Stop. Call me. Stop. Mac. Isn't it rich, isn't it queer Losing my timing this late in my career And where are the clowns Quick send in the clowns Don't bother they're here. Send In The Clowns (From "A Little Night Music" - Music & Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim) To Rebel's GH Fanfiction Page Aimstark with your Questions or Comments